Jewish Valentine's Day

Today is the 15th day of the Hebrew month of "Av", a minor holiday known as Tu b'Av or "Jewish Valentine's Day." This day is so unique,  the Talmud describes it like this: 'There were no greater festivals for Israel than the 15th of Av and Yom Kippur. On these days the daughters of Jerusalem would go out... and dance in the vineyards. ' (Taanit 26b) The fact that Yom Kippur is mentioned seems shocking in 2015 when thinking of the average service, but in days of yore the Temple in Jerusalem opn Yom Kippur and its unique service on that day was a sight to behold. But what's so special about Tu B'av?  

Here are the 6 of the reasons why we celebrate Tu B'av. But why is this day connected to matchmaking, partnering husband and wife?

Some explain, that unlike other holidays, Tu B'Av is connected to the darkness which precedes it. Six days prior. the holy Temple was destroyed on the 9th day of Av (see my CNN interview here :), a month associated with extreme descent. And we know the famous saying of our Sages: The greater the descent in life, the greater the ascent after. Therefore the reunion represented by Tu B'av after such an incredible descent as the destruction of the holy temple only days beforehand is an incredibly powerful one. 

We are also taught that in our lives, marriage isn't just a union between man and woman; it's a reunion. A soul is divided into two halves; one half descends into this world in a male body, the other in a female's body. At some point the joyous reunion of these two estranged halves occurs, when the two finally find each other and reconnect, resulting in intense emotion because it comes from the re-unification of that which was long lost.

On a cosmic level, man and woman are metaphors for G‑d and His people. The soul is one with G-d, essentially of one essence. We too undergo this process of estrangement and reunion as the soul descends to this world to refine and repair it, using a body that doesn't feel a connection to the other half of the soul, G-d. This is a process intended to heighten the love and passion, to bring it to levels unimaginable had we never experienced separation in the first place. The first time our nation was estranged from G‑d was shortly after our betrothal at Mount Sinai when we worshiped a Golden Calf. The reconciliation and redoubled commitment and love occurred on Yom Kippur.

That, however, was a relatively short estrangement. With the destruction of the Temple and the commencement of two millennium of exile, we embarked upon a most painfully long stretch of estrangement. The goal? To ultimately reunite in an amazing reunion with our other half, G-d. The result of this estrangement will be the grandest wedding of all time - the Redemption which will usher in an era of eternal marital bliss. This is what is signified and celebrated on Tu B'av; after the mourning of the temple's destruction, we rebound and see the reason behind the destruction in the first place - the most powerful reconciliation imaginable. 

May we always remember in our lives that events of descent will ultimately be followed by an ascent, and that the moments of feeling distant from G-d can always be followed by a much more powerful reunion.

Shabbat Shalom from Tzfat & a happy Tu B'av to you!

The Grasshopper Delusion

A happy summer to all of you! Working with teenagers, I have felt the enthusiasm of summer break in the air, and I want to wish you a summer full of adventure and growth. Many travel in the summer, scouting out new lands, and this week's Torah portion - Shelach -  discusses just that: The infamous scouting of the land of Israel by the 12 spies of the Jewish people.

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If you've been to Israel before (I'm going for the month of July, so excited!) you've experienced the wide range of beauty and qualities the land of milk & honey has to offer. But instead of focusing on the positive aspects of the land, 10 of the spies (excluding Caleb & Joshua) reported: "We are unable to go up against the people, for they are stronger than we...The land we passed through to explore is a land that consumes its inhabitants, and all the people we saw in it are men of stature. There we saw the giants, the sons of Anak, descended from the giants. We were like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and so we were in their eyes." (Numbers, 13:31-33) Joshua & Caleb, however, reported: "We shall surely ascend and conquer it, we can surely do it!" (Numbers, 13:30)

Were these 12 men looking at the same land? At the same enemy? How could they have perceived the situation in such differing ways!? Significantly, the spies said: "We were like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and so we were in their eyes." 

"Whether you think you can, or that you cannot—you are right." - Henry Ford (as much as I dislike quoting him, wisdom can be attained by anybody). The Torah is teaching us that it was because the spies perceived themselves as weak, with no self confidence or trust in G-d, that they therefore perceived their enemies as unbeatable. When one has self esteem and a trust in G-d, there is nothing to fear. Often, when we think others are looking down upon us, it's really just a lack of self worth in our own eyes. Nothing should get in our way if we are aiming to achieve a worthwhile, holy goal.

In life we encounter many tests and obstacles, but the lesson we learn from the story of the spies is that if we approach life's tests with trust in G-d, and in our G-d given abilities, we will succeed. Years later, after the 10 spies had already passed away in the desert, Joshua & Caleb were part of the conquering of the land. It was a self fulfilling prophecy.

May we always have a trust in G-d, perceiving the obstacles in our lives in a positive light, knowing that: "G‑d doesn't ask of us more than what lies in our power to do." (Midrash Tanchuma, Naso 11)

Shabbat Shalom!

Jew Jitsu Challenges

Yesterday morning, I awoke before dawn. Pitch black outside, I left the house without breakfast. My weigh-in weight had to be exact and I couldn't go over. I drove to Irvine and put on my "Gi". I went downstairs to the weigh in area and checked in, surprised to find that I was 4 lbs. under. I nervously stretched and jumped up & down, trying to get loose and warm up. Before I knew it, I was at the scorer's table, getting some last second advice from a friend. "He looks like a wrestler, be ready to sprawl if he charges you." We shook hands and in Portuguese, the referee announced "Combat." The battle was a blur, but in the end, my opponent had my right arm fully extended ready to break. It was time to give up. Live to fight another day.

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After the disappointment of losing my 1st Jiu (Jew) Jitsu tournament match began to wear off, I realized some of the lessons I took out of the experience. First, the power of commitment to an ideal and goal. Many ask me how I can keep kosher, how difficult it must be. With Passover coming up & its many food restrictions, this question is as relevant as ever. But when it came to my food preparation for this tournament, it was relatively easy. My desire to be able to compete and realize my goal far outweighed my desire for pizza (and I LOVE pizza). It's a powerful thing to have something you believe in to the point of self sacrifice.

When challenged, sometimes we have to give up and ask for help. Ego would dictate that we can never accept help from others, that we have all of the answers. When I "tapped out" and submitted to my opponent, I realized I was outclassed and have more to learn. We mustn't be afraid to ask others for advice and help, to navigate life's challenges. We win some and lose some, but we continue to fight the battles of life.

Ultimately, I learned that showing up to a challenge is more than half the battle. Win or lose, you showed up. We have challenges throughout life, that we can shy away from or confront with a positive attitude. As a Jew, we are taught that every challenge or hardship, really comes from a good, Divine place, and has a purpose. Our job is just to show up and give it our all. 

Life is short, but what we do rings for eternity. Hillel the Elder stated 2,000 years ago: "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?" (Ethics of our Fathers 1:14). Wishing you lots of success on your journey ahead!

Shabbat Shalom!