Beauty in the Mirror

When the holy Rabbi Chaim of the city of Tzanz (known as the "Divrei Chaim" after the book he wrote) was of marriageable age, the beautiful daughter of the well respected & pious Baruch Tam was suggested & the match was made. Back in those days, matches were made & the prospective groom & bride didn't interact or even meet until the wedding would near. A week before the wedding, the two decided it would be good to meet for a short while and chat. When the bride to be entered the room where her groom was waiting, she was shocked at what she saw. The Divrei Chaim is known to have had a limp because one leg was shorter than the other. Also, while being a very holy individual, he wasn't a very handsome man to say the least. Immediately after their short meeting, the bride went to her parents and told them the wedding was off. She just couldn't see herself marrying this guy!

Both sides of the family tried to reason with her, explaining what a special person the Rabbi Chaim was, a once in a generation righteous scholar. But she wasn't going to be swayed. When word reached back to Rabbi Chaim, he asked to have a word with the girl. "But unnecessary private meetings aren't proper!" he was told. "It's over." Rabbi Chaim asked for the opportunity to have one more word with her, and the parents relented. Once together, Rabbi Chaim asked the girl to look into the large mirror in the room and tell him what she saw. Looking in the mirror, the girl saw something amazing. Rabbi Chaim appeared as a striking, very handsome man. The bride, however, now appeared with a gaunt face, crouching a bit with a noticeable limp. "Our souls were destined to be together from the beginning," said Rabbi Chaim. "But before we descended into this world, I saw that you would have this appearance and I pleaded with God to switch our appearances." The two were married a week later.

Right now, the Jewish people may not be at the apex of our spiritual abilities. We may be walking with a limp, without a very handsome appearance. But who are we still doing our best to serve and connect to? Who have we been killed for adhering to and sent into exile away from Israel for so many years? Our affliction is God's affliction. We are united at the hip and the Jewish destiny is connected to God. He feels our pain, and we feel his. Through our final acts of good deeds and Torah learning, kind acts and Jewish adherence, may God bring peace and only revealed good to the world, where both bride & groom are beautiful inside & out together, speedily in our days!

Shabbat Shalom!

When 2 Souls Unite

'Marriage is the greatest degree of joy that human beings can find in their lives.’ - The Lubavitcher Rebbe


As exciting a prospective as re-uniting with our “other half” first appears, it’s very easy for this dream of marriage to die down. “So many marriages aren’t very happy!” “Didn’t you hear that 50% of marriages in America fail!?”
True. But perhaps the problem today lies in perspective. Maybe we need to have a deeper perspective about what our lives are really all about. Torah teaches us that each of our souls descend to this world in order to be a shining light - to affect the world around us and form it into a dwelling place for G-d, beginning with our very own homes. To create such a lovely environment, we have to have a mate with the same ideals as we have - the same general view on life. When that is intact, then other challenges that arise can be overcome.
But when one’s primary focus is on attraction, excitement and good looks, without identifying deeper values and goals, problems can arise.

Before dating, and moving in together, and definitely before marriage, we need to place our emphasis on the right things. Beauty ages, youth wanes; but soul, personality, kindness, values - stay. To quote the end of the song sung in honor of the Jewish woman on Friday night before Kiddush, known as‘Aishes Chayil’-
‘a woman of valor’:
“Charm is deceptive and beauty is naught; a G-d fearing woman is the one to be praised.” Meaning, attraction is definitely important, but if one's mate is kind, with a good moral character - that is a foundation to base a good relationship on.

Here’s some beautiful words of wisdom from the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Menachem M. Schneerson, about the joy of marriage:

The love that you feel as a young bride is only the beginning of real love. It is through the small, everyday acts of living together that love flourishes and grows. And so, the love you feel after 5 or 10 years is a gradual strengthening of bonds.
Love is an emotion that increases in strength throughout one’s life. It is sharing and caring, and respecting each other. It is building a life together, a unit of family and home. As 2 lives unite to form 1, with time, one reaches a point where each partner can no longer visualize life without his mate by his side. - (from a private audience)

The marriage of every couple is connected to the ultimate marriage between G-d and the Jewish people that will be consummated in the Era of Redemption. - (Talk of the Rebbe in 1991)

~~~

If not already married, may we all be Guided by G-d to find our soul mates, and may we all be blessed to have a successful, harmonious marriage, building a beautiful household that is a source of warmth and comfort to all who enter.

Shabbat Shalom!

-Daniel

P.S. for more Jewish thoughts on marriage, see the amazing site:
Jewish Marriage

3 Stages of Love

The 3rd and last major holiday on the Jewish Calendar, Shavuot, was celebrated this past week. Commemorating the giving of the Torah, Shavuot is often likened by our Sages to a wedding between G-d and the Jewish People. Our entire nation stood at Mt. Sinai (the wedding canopy), as G-d (the groom) wed His bride (the Jewish People), and Gave "her" a ring of betrothal (the Torah) - making vows that we would always be loyal to one another.

Let's take a deeper look at this analogy of a wedding & the giving of the Torah. One could perhaps divide the relationship between a man & woman, a couple, into 3 stages. The 1st stage is the early days of their relationship, the courting process. Here the 2 may feel very much in love. Each person is showing the other the best side of themselves, putting on a "show." In this stage, each one appreciates the other's qualities, and is attracted to their talents, personality and capabilities.
In the 2nd stage, however, after marriage, this feeling of being "madly in love" may not stay on a high. But the relationship still grows, as each person helps the other, beginning to also appreciate what the other person does for them. All of the kind support and caring that a supportive spouse offers. In the 3rd stage, the couple have ceased looking at just what the other offers or at the great talents of their mate. They are now one. Think about when you see an elderly couple together. You may not see an "exciting" relationship, a burning passion between them. However, they are deeply bound. Each knows, instinctively, what are the needs of their spouse.

So too have there been 3 stages in the relationship between G-d and the Jewish people. First, G-d performed miracles for us in Egypt & at the sea, "sweeping us off of our feet."We were madly in love with one another, proclaiming: "na'aseh v'nishma - we will do & then we will understand." Undying devotion to the G-d Who appeared, in one word, to be Awesome. But this was a temporary excitement. After our marriage at Mt. Sinai, we disobeyed and rebelled, leading almost to a divorce. But the relationship still grew, as we began to do things for our Mate, performing Mitzvot.
But as history has progressed, the connection between G-d & His People Has moved into the 3rd stage - our becoming as One. Knowing instinctively what the other wants. This is seen in the Halachot & Minhagim (customs) developed by all strands of Jews worldwide over time. The laws of the Sages represent this, as it says: "The Torah is not in heaven" - meaning it is up to us to decide amongst many of the rulings and customs (see here for more).

May we work toward & merit the time soon when our relationship with G-d, and the entire world's relationship with Him, is openly revealed as being in the 3rd stage - as one.

Shabbat Shalom!

-Daniel

Completion

B"H

Marriage. What's so great about it anyways?
I mean, human nature would seem to point towards wanting to stay free of obligation, of responsibility.
A loving relationship - fine, but "marriage"? Who needs it?
According to mortal thinking, this is a good question. But Marriage is a Divine Institution, a Biblical Invention.



There was once One soul.

It was split, 2 halves descended to this world into two different places, pining to re-unite once again, to be complete.
This is the mystical source for a male & female's desire to find love.
When re-united, man & woman play 2 roles that complement one another - completing the other.
Even though we were once 1 soul, since we are now in bodies in a physical world with different lives and upbringings,
this bonding of course takes time and effort (unlike what Hollywood would like you to believe).
As it says in the Torah: "And (Issac) married her (Rebecca), and he loved her." 1st came marriage, then came true love.
A love that develops over time, with real caring and commitment to one another and their day to day needs and feelings.
Finding a mate based on a shared mission in life & family values, not just infatuation. This gives more chance for success.

Now we can better understand why so many of our parents are intent on us marrying Jewish. (Besides for the whole wiping out our future existence thing)
True, Judaism is the only religion that believes that every righteous person, Jew or NOT, has an equal portion in the world to come,
in heaven. But we also believe that the Jewish soul still has a different, unique role in this world. We are likened to the moon, chosen and appointed with the mission to reflect the "sun", to reflect God's Will in this world. When we accepted the Torah on Sinai, we accepted this role. And our souls forevermore reflect this change.

But it's very hard to feel distinct or unique nowadays in 2010. I dress the same, talk the same, listen to the same music as everyone else. So what makes me a Jew?
I'll A: this Question with another Q: (when Prime Minister Golda Meir was once asked "why do Jews always A: Q:'s w/ another Question?" She Answered: "Why not?")

Do you identify yourself as an American Jew? (with the emphasis on American) Or as a Jewish American?
If your answer is an American Jew, let me ask you: If you were born in France, would you still be an American? No.
But would you still be Jewish? Yes.
Now what if I asked you: What does it mean to be "Jewish"?
If your answer is "b/c I'm part of the Jewish People", that's like saying "I'm a tree b/c I'm part of a forest." But what are you?
If you'd answer that you're Jewish b/c of your beliefs, than what were you when you were born? Before beliefs?

Regardless of country of origin, before belief, a Jew's Essence is that he or she is a Jew. That is my essence, my soul.
Being Jewish isn't what I HAVE - it's what I am.
But until I find my soul mate with my soul's shared mission in life, I am only half.

Happy hunting for that soul mate of yours - may it come speedily if you so wish! And may the re-union of souls usher the world closer to the ultimate marriage,
of God and His People, Speedily in our days!

Shabbat Shalom!

Daniel
~For more on marriage, see: Soulmates~