As exciting a prospective as re-uniting with our “other half” first appears, it’s very easy for this dream of marriage to die down. “So many marriages aren’t very happy!” “Didn’t you hear that 50% of marriages in America fail!?”
True. But perhaps the problem today lies in perspective. Maybe we need to have a deeper perspective about what our lives are really all about. Torah teaches us that each of our souls descend to this world in order to be a shining light - to affect the world around us and form it into a dwelling place for G-d, beginning with our very own homes. To create such a lovely environment, we have to have a mate with the same ideals as we have - the same general view on life. When that is intact, then other challenges that arise can be overcome.
But when one’s primary focus is on attraction, excitement and good looks, without identifying deeper values and goals, problems can arise.
Before dating, and moving in together, and definitely before marriage, we need to place our emphasis on the right things. Beauty ages, youth wanes; but soul, personality, kindness, values - stay. To quote the end of the song sung in honor of the Jewish woman on Friday night before Kiddush, known as‘Aishes Chayil’-
‘a woman of valor’:
“Charm is deceptive and beauty is naught; a G-d fearing woman is the one to be praised.” Meaning, attraction is definitely important, but if one's mate is kind, with a good moral character - that is a foundation to base a good relationship on.
Here’s some beautiful words of wisdom from the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Menachem M. Schneerson, about the joy of marriage:
The love that you feel as a young bride is only the beginning of real love. It is through the small, everyday acts of living together that love flourishes and grows. And so, the love you feel after 5 or 10 years is a gradual strengthening of bonds.
Love is an emotion that increases in strength throughout one’s life. It is sharing and caring, and respecting each other. It is building a life together, a unit of family and home. As 2 lives unite to form 1, with time, one reaches a point where each partner can no longer visualize life without his mate by his side. - (from a private audience)
The marriage of every couple is connected to the ultimate marriage between G-d and the Jewish people that will be consummated in the Era of Redemption. - (Talk of the Rebbe in 1991)
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If not already married, may we all be Guided by G-d to find our soul mates, and may we all be blessed to have a successful, harmonious marriage, building a beautiful household that is a source of warmth and comfort to all who enter.
Shabbat Shalom!
-Daniel
P.S. for more Jewish thoughts on marriage, see the amazing site:
Jewish Marriage
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