When 2 Souls Unite

'Marriage is the greatest degree of joy that human beings can find in their lives.’ - The Lubavitcher Rebbe


As exciting a prospective as re-uniting with our “other half” first appears, it’s very easy for this dream of marriage to die down. “So many marriages aren’t very happy!” “Didn’t you hear that 50% of marriages in America fail!?”
True. But perhaps the problem today lies in perspective. Maybe we need to have a deeper perspective about what our lives are really all about. Torah teaches us that each of our souls descend to this world in order to be a shining light - to affect the world around us and form it into a dwelling place for G-d, beginning with our very own homes. To create such a lovely environment, we have to have a mate with the same ideals as we have - the same general view on life. When that is intact, then other challenges that arise can be overcome.
But when one’s primary focus is on attraction, excitement and good looks, without identifying deeper values and goals, problems can arise.

Before dating, and moving in together, and definitely before marriage, we need to place our emphasis on the right things. Beauty ages, youth wanes; but soul, personality, kindness, values - stay. To quote the end of the song sung in honor of the Jewish woman on Friday night before Kiddush, known as‘Aishes Chayil’-
‘a woman of valor’:
“Charm is deceptive and beauty is naught; a G-d fearing woman is the one to be praised.” Meaning, attraction is definitely important, but if one's mate is kind, with a good moral character - that is a foundation to base a good relationship on.

Here’s some beautiful words of wisdom from the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Menachem M. Schneerson, about the joy of marriage:

The love that you feel as a young bride is only the beginning of real love. It is through the small, everyday acts of living together that love flourishes and grows. And so, the love you feel after 5 or 10 years is a gradual strengthening of bonds.
Love is an emotion that increases in strength throughout one’s life. It is sharing and caring, and respecting each other. It is building a life together, a unit of family and home. As 2 lives unite to form 1, with time, one reaches a point where each partner can no longer visualize life without his mate by his side. - (from a private audience)

The marriage of every couple is connected to the ultimate marriage between G-d and the Jewish people that will be consummated in the Era of Redemption. - (Talk of the Rebbe in 1991)

~~~

If not already married, may we all be Guided by G-d to find our soul mates, and may we all be blessed to have a successful, harmonious marriage, building a beautiful household that is a source of warmth and comfort to all who enter.

Shabbat Shalom!

-Daniel

P.S. for more Jewish thoughts on marriage, see the amazing site:
Jewish Marriage

Joy & Love

During this past week, we marked the 17th anniversary of the passing of Menachem Mendel Schneerson, the 7th Rebbe (Spiritual leader) of Chabad Lubavitch. A teacher who guided and mentored a generation of people (see here), there are 2 specific areas that he continually highlighted: To be joyful, and to love every fellow Jew like you love yourself (The Rebbe also preached a love of fellow human beings, but particularly highlighted the special quality of unity among the Jewish people).

A famous story highlights this. Every Sunday in his later years (from the age of 86-92 yrs. old), the Rebbe would stand for hours on end, greeting all comers with a smile and an encouraging word, as well as a dollar for charity. An elderly lady once remarked to him in wonder, "How can you do this!? Don't you ever get tired?" To which the Rebbe responded: "One never gets tired when counting diamonds."

Which reminds me of a question posed to me recently by an elderly Rabbi at a Chassidic gathering. "I don't understand," he said. "If an angel were to appear in this room right now, everyone here would be in awe and wonderment, standing in complete reverence. And yet, Jewish Mysticism teaches that the soul of a Jew derives from the highest of G-dly realms, beyond all angels and supernal beings. So how come we show one another any less reverence or respect?"

Of course, the answer is that physicality hides the G-dly truth contained within it. At least in our mortal viewpoint, if not in the eyes of the Rebbe and other holy giants of our history. The ones who could see the diamonds in the rough - explained the true reality. Now it is up to us to train ourselves to look at the world in such a way.
But how can we if we see different?
And here lies a beautiful directive from the Rebbe that is at once simple, and very powerful: To be joyful. It's not always easy, and one doesn't always feel like putting on a smile and laughing, but beyond the good it does for our emotional health, joy "breaks all barriers" (see here). It helps us to view others favorably and with a kind eye, even if normally we might have not done so. To see the holiness in the people around us. It also helps us look at ourselves with a kind eye. Because "love your neighbor like you love yourself," only works if you love yourself! Not the egotistical type of love, but rather the appreciation for the diamond which is you; the diamond the Rebbe would see. The inner soul which is you.

And once we appreciate that we are diamonds, we can appreciate the diamonds that surround us - no matter how much mud may cover them -they are still diamonds. As Rabbi Piekarski of Del Mar once remarked: "When looking at a star from earth, it looks like the same as all of the others. But if you were to get a closer look, you would see the special, distinct quality of that particular star. So too with every fellow Jew we meet." At 1st glance we may see negativity. But get to know the person, peer deeper, and you may find a diamond.

Shabbat Shalom!

-Daniel

In All That You Do

"He (G-d) Shall Bless you in everything that you do."

The other night, I was reading a great book, entitled: The Committed Life, by Rebbetzin Ester Jungreis, a holocaust survivor and world touring lecturer. While being a nice and insightful read through and through, I'll focus here on one part of the book. The Rebbetzin describes how her outreach organization, Hineni, first
began with a monumental initiative. Her idea was to gather Jews living throughout New York City, to gather in Madison Square Garden for an inspirational Jewish program. At first, she says, she almost jokingly came up with the idea. But as the idea began to pick up steam, she signed a contract, and soon realized she was in over her head. How could she have taken on such a monumental task? And what if she failed? What if the stadium was empty?

Her husband consoled her by citing examples in the Torah that exemplified the verse, "And G-d Will Bless you in all that you do." (Deuteronomy 15:18) Meaning that our job is to do, to act correctly, and the rest of it, the success, lies in G-d's Hands. He Can only Help that which we do; we must make an effort. Oftentimes if our intentions are good, our success will immeasurably outweigh our initial efforts and our wildest dreams. 'Remember the daughter of Pharaoh who went down to the river to bathe. She saw a small basket floating on the water with a child in it. She wanted to pull it to shore, but the basket was too far out. Nevertheless, she reached out, and miraculously her arm extended and she brought little Moses to dry land. You need only reach out, and G-d Does the rest.

Prior to David becoming king, the Jewish people were challenged by Goliath. The men of Israel froze in terror. King Saul offered his armor to the man who would fight the giant, but still there were no takers until David came forth. David was short and stocky, while Saul was a tall, imposing figure. Saul's armor couldn't possibly fit David! But miraculously, when David donned the armor, it fit like a glove. And the rest is history...'

Often we feel similar to the Rebbetzin when undertaking a new path or project. But if it's the right thing to do and you go for it, with full trust in G-d, He Shall Bless you in all that you do.

Shabbat Shalom!

-Daniel