Yes! Marriage is Amazing!

B”H

‘Marriage is the greatest degree of joy that human beings can find in their lives.’ - The Lubavitcher Rebbe

There is an unfortunate reality that has developed in our modern day society, surrounding the topic of marriage and its success rate. Understandably, much of America and the world at large, today looks at the prospect of marriage in a bit of a more pessimistic, or cautious, perspective. However, the truth of the matter is, as seen through the eyes of Torah, marriage is the point at which a human being can finally reach his/her true self - to become whole.

The mystical teachings of Torah teach us, that one’s soul begins in shamayim (heaven) as a complete being. Before one’s soul descends to this world, it is divided in half. Its “soul-mate” descends to the world at another time, in another place, and until re-uniting, remains incomplete - half a being. Until marriage we’re half of who we really are!

NOW, as exciting a prospective as re-uniting with our “other half” first appears, it’s very easy for this feeling to die down. “So many marriages aren’t very happy!” “Didn’t you hear 50% of marriages in America fail!?”

True. But the problem is that we Jews need to have a truer, deeper perspective on what life is really all about. Our souls descend to this world in order to be a shining light “onto the nations” - to affect the world around us and form it into a dwelling place for G-d, beginning with our very own homes. To create such a lovely environment, we have to have a mate with the same ideals as we have - the same general view on life. When that is intact, then other challenges that arise can be overcome.

But when one’s primary focus is on physical attraction and good looks w/out identifying deeper values and goals, problems can arise.

“What are your goals in life?” “What type of household would you like to create?” “How many children do you envision having?” “What type of life do you want to live?” Is this the man or woman that I want to create a beautiful atmosphere and life with?

Before dating, and moving in together, and definitely before marriage, we need to have A's to these questions. We for sure need to place our emphasis on the right things. Beauty ages, youth wanes; but soul, personality, values - stay. To quote the end of the song sung in honor of the Jewish woman on Friday night before Kiddush, known as ‘Aishes Chayil’- ‘a woman of valor’:

“Charm is deceptive and beauty is naught; a G-d fearing woman is the one to be praised.”

Attraction is for sure important, but instead of looking firstly on the outside-in (body then soul), we need to first look inside-out. Then it’s less likely for the physical attraction and thrill to cover over issues and problem 'clues' that could arise in the future.

So we need to keep our original excitement, and sustain it always, to always fuel our love. But we must have our values fixed in the right place before choosing our partner and embarking on the beautiful voyage which is love and marriage. The Torah and its values help guide us to form the true and lasting values needed to live an enriching and fulfilled life.


Here’s some words from the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Menachem M. Schneerson, about the beauty and joy of marriage:

Love is an emotion that increases in strength throughout one’s life. It is sharing and caring, and respecting each other. It is building a life together, a unit of family and home.

The love that you feel as a young bride is only the beginning of real love. It is through the small, everyday acts of living together that love flourishes and grows. And so, the love you feel after 5 or 10 years is a gradual strengthening of bonds.

As two lives unite to form 1, with time, one reaches a point where each partner can no longer visualize life without his mate by his side. - (from a private audience)

I extend my heartfelt wishes to you that your wedding take place in a fortunate and good hour and with mazal tov. May you construct a Jewish edifice on the foundations of Torah and Mitzvos.

Understandably, it need not be emphasized that on a deeper level marriage means that chassan (groom) and kallah (bride) jointly embark on constructing a most joyous life & an edifice that endures for many, many long and happy years.

It Is self-understood that it is of primary and crucial import that the foundation of an edifice be constructed of the most durable material possible, material that is able to withstand the changes and havoc that can be wrought by changes of temperature & moisture, by an earthquake, and so on.

The same holds true as a Chasson and Kallah embark on building a life together [and lay the foundations for that life]. This joint life is to be founded on the foundations of Torah and Mitzvos, the strongest materials in existence.

These, then, are the vessels through which a couple receives G-d’s Blessings for a truly joyous life. May G-d Bless you as previously stated with a mazal tov and [with the ability to construct] an everlasting edifice on the foundations of Torah & Mitzvos.

- (Letter of the Rebbe)


The marriage of every couple is connected to the ultimate marriage between G-d and the Jewish people that will be consummated in the Era of Redemption. - (Talk of the Rebbe in 1991)

If not already married, may we all be Guided by Hashem to find our soul mates, and may we all be blessed to have a successful, harmonious marriage, building a beautiful household that is a source of warmth and comfort to all who enter.

Shabbat Shalom!

Daniel

P.S. for more Jewish thoughts on marriage, see the amazing site:
http://www.chabad.org/generic_cdo/aid/448429/jewish/Finding-Your-Soulmate.htm