3 Stages of Love

The 3rd and last major holiday on the Jewish Calendar, Shavuot, was celebrated this past week. Commemorating the giving of the Torah, Shavuot is often likened by our Sages to a wedding between G-d and the Jewish People. Our entire nation stood at Mt. Sinai (the wedding canopy), as G-d (the groom) wed His bride (the Jewish People), and Gave "her" a ring of betrothal (the Torah) - making vows that we would always be loyal to one another.

Let's take a deeper look at this analogy of a wedding & the giving of the Torah. One could perhaps divide the relationship between a man & woman, a couple, into 3 stages. The 1st stage is the early days of their relationship, the courting process. Here the 2 may feel very much in love. Each person is showing the other the best side of themselves, putting on a "show." In this stage, each one appreciates the other's qualities, and is attracted to their talents, personality and capabilities.
In the 2nd stage, however, after marriage, this feeling of being "madly in love" may not stay on a high. But the relationship still grows, as each person helps the other, beginning to also appreciate what the other person does for them. All of the kind support and caring that a supportive spouse offers. In the 3rd stage, the couple have ceased looking at just what the other offers or at the great talents of their mate. They are now one. Think about when you see an elderly couple together. You may not see an "exciting" relationship, a burning passion between them. However, they are deeply bound. Each knows, instinctively, what are the needs of their spouse.

So too have there been 3 stages in the relationship between G-d and the Jewish people. First, G-d performed miracles for us in Egypt & at the sea, "sweeping us off of our feet."We were madly in love with one another, proclaiming: "na'aseh v'nishma - we will do & then we will understand." Undying devotion to the G-d Who appeared, in one word, to be Awesome. But this was a temporary excitement. After our marriage at Mt. Sinai, we disobeyed and rebelled, leading almost to a divorce. But the relationship still grew, as we began to do things for our Mate, performing Mitzvot.
But as history has progressed, the connection between G-d & His People Has moved into the 3rd stage - our becoming as One. Knowing instinctively what the other wants. This is seen in the Halachot & Minhagim (customs) developed by all strands of Jews worldwide over time. The laws of the Sages represent this, as it says: "The Torah is not in heaven" - meaning it is up to us to decide amongst many of the rulings and customs (see here for more).

May we work toward & merit the time soon when our relationship with G-d, and the entire world's relationship with Him, is openly revealed as being in the 3rd stage - as one.

Shabbat Shalom!

-Daniel